my summer break...
I broke my leg, so here's a list of links I've clicked since.
Hi, how are we over halfway through the year? In my first dispatch of 2024 I wrote about how I was learning to integrate more before sharing or wait for “wounds to turn to scars.” I dramatically said: “…this newsletter and Instagram have been sporadic because, in short, I had to wait for some gashes to become scars.”
Ha… I meant that in an emotional wounds way, well…joke’s on me…because little did I know then, that 6 months into that brand new year I’d break a leg and shatter an ankle, and be writing to you with a giant cast on.
Now I can blame my absence on a real physical wound! But that’s a lame excuse too, since writing is one of the few things I can do right now. I’m unable to walk, work my not-from-home jobs, or drive (it’s my right side) so while this has upended my routines, I’m grateful for the time to catch up on much needed computer tasks.
It happened about 3 weeks ago but it still feels fresh. It has highlighted how life can change instantly on an average Monday. It’s made me aware of how independent I am and forced me to face fears, like asking for help. And sitting with my uncomfortable emotions instead of distracting myself from them with:
-running unnecessary errands
-constant social plans
-hours of walking with headphones in.
I’ll share if I glean any wisdom on the scar side of this wound [break] but for now, a list of links to what I’ve read, listened to, watched, and a tweet I lol’ed at.
Would love to know what you’ve clicked on as I settle in for my inside summer. I’ll be here elevating my black and blue toes in my cast. Hope you enjoy these…
…LIGHT AIRY LINKS 4U
Monica Lewinsky tweeting this lyric.
My friend Chris wrote about his favorite rivers for the Paris Review but actually about dinner parties and aging and it’s my favorite thing I read last week.
Long Live by EV- Felt good to finally return to recording interviews last week when I interviewed secondhand fashion-obsessed writer Erika Veurink for the podcast (returning 6/24). In preparation I read the entire archive of her bi-weekly publication Long Live and enjoyed every ounce of it, including this one about her spiritual muses, many of which I share, as well as this one about lessons on closet cleaning where she wrote, and I agree:
Don’t keep clothes for a “good body day” or a “goal weight.” If it doesn’t feel good to wear on the third day of your period, really interrogate what it’s doing in your closet. My closet used to be home to dozens of pieces I’d consider as a goal. If I had a big date, I’d hang a particularly tight dress that zipped about half of the time on my closet door as a reminder. And if it fit at the end of the week, it didn’t matter how the date went. I felt like I’d accomplished something.
On hunger, boyfriends, hospitals by Dronme- I read this soon after it came out after dozens of people close to me sent it to me knowing I’d relate in a pretty extreme way. I did, a month ago when I read it—even then it felt so close that it was difficult to read. And after weeks spent in urgent care, doctors’ offices, and hospitals with friends and alone as well as the vain mental chatter about what being physically forced by my body’s healing to sit still will do to my size, how my clothes will fit me and how other people will perceive me as a result of that… this piece hits me even harder now. Lines like this one made me feel exposed:
My Life is Boring by Jenny Clark - I enjoyed this very short post on gratitude for a boring season of life and made me want to be less exciting.
Gmail holds the key to your heart - A project born from humanity’s 20 years of accidental archives, where she asks participants to search in their Gmail phrases like, I’m sorry, I love you, and what happened. I want to participate, but not sure if I have the stomach to enter that archaeological dig of my inbox… the nostalgia landmine might be too emotional. She said this of our email archives:
“We have never possessed such a complete and damning record of our past interactions. I can tell you every college scholarship I never got. Most grocery lists, news alerts, heartbreaks, arguments, friends and lovers I’ve ghosted. […] The only way to navigate that vertiginous expanse is through the conduit of the Gmail search function. I type the names of my husband, my best friend, my girl gang out of college, my former roommate, my late uncle; some of these people long lost to me now, but eerily present in that window.
The problem with calling people ‘toxic’ - I think it’s a word that’s overused. It’s great as a title to this banger, but I’m not into using it for people. Previous podcast guest Dr. Samantha Boardman broke down why this label is problematic in this piece for WSJ but in case you, like me, aren’t going to make it behind that paywall, she reposted it on here. While over on her publication, The Dose, I deeply dove on in and will call out a few issues I found particularly thought provoking.
On how Sharing is not Caring - I’m a frequent venter and also often a ventee. I’m happy people feel comfortable enough with me to share their secrets and gripes, but I’m questioning how useful it is. Between reading Dr. Boardman’s take in the aforementioned piece and a video from another therapist called, Why Venting is Always a Bad Idea, I’ve reconsidered what I share and what I keep to myself.
(Related) On the benefits of keeping your feelings to yourself
One more, on how to Reflect, Not React - because this one contains one of my favorite parables I never tire of no matter how often I read it. It goes:
The grandmother tells her granddaughter,
“Inside of all of us is a battle between two wolves.
One is the dark wolf. It is anger, jealousy, regret,
greed, arrogance, and resentment.
The other wolf is good. It is love, peace, hope,
kindness, serenity, compassion, faith and empathy.”
The granddaughter thinks about this for a minute
and then asks her grandmother,
“Which wolf wins?”
And the grandmother replies,
“The one you feed!”
Joanna Goddard’s number 1 rule for dating - In order to die with the least regret possible, I’m trying to live by this rule generally. You can read about her advice for dating here. But the part of it that particularly resonated with me and is applicable outside of romantic relationships is this:
“In any conversation — whether with a crush or friend or relative or spouse or boss or whomever — try to always communicate how you really feel. Even if you’re embarrassed or vulnerable at times, stay true to yourself, and the surprising thing is that, no matter what you say, you will actually come across as brave and relatable and strong and tender-hearted and confident and real.”
She goes on to say:
“I never want to pretend to be a certain way or fake something, because then you'll end up dating the wrong person.”
Speaking of art that made me feel exposed or at least seen…I’ve got to be honest, I have devoured the discourse on this album. It’s not the lore that got me but the feeling of being a woman in my mid-thirties moving in and out of relationships while most of my peers are settling down, having kids; and yet still my feelings are tied to what certain dudes I’ve dated think of me. It’s not for everyone, and it is too long, so I think it requires a reshuffling and a curation in the form of a playlist. I’ve made two: here and here. I could tell you why I feel how I do about it, but I won’t—if you want to know just listen to this episode of Sentimental Garbage that Maddie sent me, they explain it. Or if you’d rather hear music critics like the prolific Ann Powers talk about it, you’ve got this NPR episode or this NYT episode. And my source on this topic, the constructive, analytical conversations on pop culture by Madeline and Zack. (I interviewed Zack in September were we unpacked my long, complex relationship with her.)
Survival mode as a Creative Practice - A mode I’ve become quite familiar with… Christine sent me this the week I broke my leg when she came over to bring me coffee and I cried while she folded my laundry.
Finding my crutches expanders - So, in my doctor’s waiting rooms, I made this in an effort to find the chicest cast color—which I have determined thanks to JFK Jr. is, in fact, white. I get the cast swapped every 2 weeks, so I’ve had blue, green, and now white. If you are on crutches, get these if you haven’t already, I have an extra if anyone needs it comment and I’ll send it to you!
And if you really want to know what I’m feeling—just watch letitouttt‘s stories late at night… whoever runs that account seems a wee bit depressed?
It’s real good to be back! : )
Talk more soon,
KD
LATEST EPISODE…
#451 The Art of Tending: Kerrilynn Pamer, Founder of CAP
This is a conversation with Kerrilynn Pamer, founder of CAP Beauty. It was recorded recently at her kitchen table with the scent of a walnut cake in the oven filling the room. She was first on in 2021 where we talked about starting CAP, cooking, and personal style, and I’ve been dying to have her back ever since. This episode covers updates on topics discussed last time plus we talk about: having a fixed vs. growth mindset, feeling left out, friendship vs. acquaintances, taking a psychological approach to aging, beauty, developing taste, interiors (including how to make your home feel like a supportive friend), and much more. She’s one of my all-time favorite guests. Let us know if you listen!
Katie! Your leg! That neon green cast! I am sending you so much love & will start texting you podcast eps I love in case you need some audio-friends this summer <3
expanders had me laughing. I love you making lemonade out of the cast-shaped lemon <3