Comedy, Romantic…

what the rom coms that raised me did to my psyche + a list of what made me laugh since you saw me last

Apr 18, 2024

Hi remember me?

Last we spoke I promised to return after a week off with a lighter topic in tow. Well it’s been over a month, but the first half of that promise I’m keeping. Despite heaviness looming here’s a list of what’s made me laugh, comforted and soothed me since I’ve been gone.

Would love to know yours…

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Reading Haribo sugar free reviews on Amazon. Highly recommend reading them out loud with a group of pals, preferably on a road trip Here's an example, warning poop talk.
Breaking into uncontainable laughter at a loving impression of a friend by a mutual friend. And at a well-timed dark joke after there’s nothing more to say.
Eating ripe avocados and so, so, so much jicama, probably too much.
Sleeping in my own bed and walking to coffee to see my friends again after a trip that felt long.
Soothing with hunks of bread.
Going to Vidiots to see two classics: Stalker and Terms of Endearment in the same week. Have you seen either? Truly can’t think of two more opposite films, yet I loved them equally.

In seeing the two critically acclaimed films in such close succession, I found a throughline between them: love. It’s gooey and earnest and perhaps a stretch, but to me, they both are about the complexity of love and the flexibility required to endure it. (Way more on this next week, just you wait…)

Weeping during the 400th podcast guest, Alyssa Benjamin’s wedding in Oaxaca. In the episode, she tells the story of how she and David, her now husband, met because of sourdough.
Working 100 small jobs. I stilll love Sip Snack friday nights more than ever.
katiedalebout
A post shared by @katiedalebout
Traveling with this little book in my pocket—highly recommend finding yourself a copy and taking it along.
Seeing my friends maintain and grow their art practices and be celebrated for that.
1. Christine had a show at a gallery. Nothing makes me happier or more inspired than watching my friends continue to evolve their work and art. Ceramrap’s toilet speaker is my favorite ceramic I’ve ever encountered.
2. Also, Heidi opened her studio / store and it’s better than I even imagined. She also launched her spring line and, even more than usual, I want everything, but most of all, this set in white.
  Toilet Phone Amplifier by Ceramrap more ceramic by Christine here
Learning [the hard way] that boundaries do help prevent friction. It requires vulnerability to communicate why you need to set one, as well as power in order to uphold one. Also, despite pop psychology content, they are rarely fixed. For me, they’re continual. A process of: define, communicate, hold, protect when tested, break, learn, redefine, recommunicate, toss out altogether, and so on.
Crying watching each of the movie love confession speeches in this… there should’ve been a warning for the emotion this would stir in a hopeless romantic raised in the rom com heyday of the 2000s. These speeches haunt me, especially the classic ending of When Harry Met Sally, where Harry says, “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

Well sure that’s the part we all know but what’s so moving about that scene is that before that line, Harry lists off all of Sally’s quirks (flaws?) and says he loves them. Perhaps real love is just that—accepting someone not despite their flaws but because of them. Is that even real? I think so. I was loved and loved like that once I think but when it’s been a while, it feels like that’s just a trope from rom coms.
Because most of the other rom com plot points only happen in movies, not real life…such as…most notably for me, the trope where two people become friends, maybe one has a crush on the other, or they don’t even like each other, or they hook up (there are several versions of it), but eventually in act two, whoops, turns out, they’re in love!—the end. This had its claws in me for 20 years...maybe still does a little bit?
When Harry Met Sally, 1989
So, even when someone tells me with their words they don’t want a relationship, yet spends time with me, a subconscious part of me feels…”cool cool cool, me too, but in the movies that changes…” Luckily, I’ve done enough therapy to catch this delusion and set the necessary boundaries, but that’s my default setting. I’m still reprogramming my brain to remember dating isn’t what I saw in the rom-coms that raised me.

Love is not something at the end of a story that you gain, but rather something at the beginning of one, that you do. As bell hooks advocated:
"… think[ing] of love as an action rather than a feeling is one way in which anyone using the word in this manner automatically assumes accountability and responsibility.”

Watching these reminded me that the romantic view of love I have is quite frivolous and informed by these films from my formative years. And the fact that I am fully a teenage girl trapped in a 33-year-old’s body. And, yes, that is the plot of 13 Going On 30…
13 Going on 30, 2004
But the earnest gooey truth is that sometimes it truly does feel like I woke up like Jenna Rink but I’m in the other big city, in my light-filled studio apartment, and I feel a tinge of…how did this happen? me? in this body? living in tinsel town!! with friends (!!) and pretty clothes? and snacks? and I can stay out AS LATE AS I WANT—OMG… until I wake up enough to remember: money, death, taxes, and all the chores. I alone must take care of all aspects of my life, but with great responsibility comes freedom.

And I didn’t magically wake up here; I was an active participant in getting myself here, to a life where, even though it’s hard as often as it’s great, I am free. And since my grit got me, a kid in Michigan, obsessed with rom coms, to the big city… it can also get me the resources necessary to stay here.
Watched this essay called, ‘Anatomy of a Rom Com'. It articulated much of what I experienced growing up on the movies I did. Here’s a passage that honestly explains a lot about myself to me:

“....from the first scene in When Harry Met Sally a rapid witticism commences between the two which is underscored by a furtive flirtation…we watch their love develop through an ongoing pattern: a topic being raised, the two debating it, and then through that slowly revealing their core beliefs and values. This pattern repeats but Harry and Sally evolve throughout slowly breaking down their neuroses and walls until the only thing standing in the way of them is themselves. But this is folded into the jokes…”
The essay goes on to say about the final reconciliation speech I mentioned above, “the best part of the scene comes right after when Harry immediately nitpicks the song that's playing, showing that despite their burgeoning romance Harry and Sally's dynamic is: the same.”

Showing that the cliché: wherever you go there you are… also applies to relationship dynamics… for better or worse.
Reading this incredible satire that Tavi published this week. If you relate to the above at all this is for you—it’s a wise, emotional, hilarious commentary on friendship, celebrity, culture, music, parasocial relationships, art, content, connection, boundaries, etc. If you read it, please please please message or comment because I’m dying to discuss it with others. I commented on her post announcing the following… and I meant every word…
Dreaming of making this recipe that makes me want to have a breakfast party. My favorite party to host, which I wrote about here.
Painting my nails this color and then going on a walk while I let them dry.
Listening to new music. Three artists I love released albums on 3/22. (Adrianne Lenker, Waxahatchee, and Sam Evian)
Stalker, 1979
The Record Club is one of my favorite activities I’ve done in LA. I’m grateful this podcast allowed me to get to speak to its founder and now friend, Free. Those episodes are below.

Well you can thank Captain for today’s lighter list… and actually for next week’s letter too…until then… here’s my two-part episode with Free and I’m here if you need me.

Love,
KD

Free Oribhabor is a longtime DJ and music producer. He’s the founder of The Record Club, an immersive album listening experience. As the LA Times put it, "He wanted to create a music listening experience that replicated the grandiose feeling of sitting in a theater and watching a film with other fans." As you’ll hear in these conversations, his enthusiasm is palpable. We not only talk about the origin of The Record Club but also expanding it in the future while maintaining the intimate vision he had for it early on. In part 1 we talk about how wormholes and research are undervalued in education and how being a jack-of-all-trades can mean things take longer to click into place.

#447 Part 1

And in part 2 we get into how his musical taste has developed, allowing taste to change, and he takes questions from our friends! Let us know if you listen.

#448 Part 2

PS. two spots left in the creative clinic… let’s make your film, write your zine, text your ~~crush~~ muse, write your morning pages more consistently, get you a new job, start your newsletter, etc….. call me! or more about it here. or email me katie@letitouttt.com