List of 33 lessons
A specific version of a list you'd gaze at with your mouth open on the ceiling of a dentist's office.
Hi, I’m excellent at lists, so skilled, in fact, that I spend more time listing tasks in multiple places than on chipping away at any one of them. Through trial and error I've noticed it is more productive for me to start any one item on the list, rather than contemplating what I should do when. The momentum from a bit of productivity will get me farther than attempting to prioritize.
My mind hates this—it thinks I will forget things if I don’t write them down. The truth is I will be reminded externally of important tasks and unimportant ones I may forget, but they were actually distractions not tasks. I’m trying to spend more time completing some of the things I need to do and less time listing all the things I want to do.
A list, even of mundane tasks, leads to feeling the anticipation of completion. Like the promise of a new diet that starts tomorrow, list making creates an alluring future when everything is completed and I can relax. And since that future only comes about once every three years, my present often feels stressed.
Nada has a line in the story “Giving Up” from her book Bad Thoughts where the character says,
“I preferred being on the verge of something which was my problem with everything, I never arrived.”
If I want to get anywhere, I need to change my ratio between listing and doing and between ideas and execution.
Nevertheless, I will always love a good list. There are several famous ones from people like Woody Guthrie’s New Year’s Rulin’s or Sister Corita Kent’s Art Department Rules I return to often (more on that here) and in my consideration of great lists, I revisited a list I made at the end of 2019.
It was the most difficult year I’ve had to date, so it was concentrated with hard-learned lessons, many of which I’ve since forgotten. Revisiting the list of 19 lessons I learned that year made me realize how, in some ways, I was further along then than I am now. This is frustrating, but growth isn’t always linear; it is often six steps forward, five back.
I hope this list of specific reminders from my past self is as useful to you as it was to me. And consider cataloging lessons you’ve acquired into a list too.
So in no particular order, here's a list of 19 things I learned in 2019 as well as 14 things I learned between 2020 and now.
19+ 14 = 33
LESSONS I’VE LEARNED:
1. people will surprise you. they will also disappoint you. don’t attach too much to either.
2. you are a romantic, idealist & extremist, work on moving toward the middle. ⠀
3. overthinking is a distraction from intimacy.
4. you crave intimacy & fear it in equal measure.
5. you want to be seen in your own controlled way. when people see you without you controlling it, it’s scary but that’s where you connect deeply.
6. not everyone shows love like you do, it doesn’t mean you aren’t loved.
7. so much of life is timing & time will make that less heartbreaking.
8. you can be alone & be okay. you can feel lonely & not die. but you have to be your own anchor.
9. you can feel multiple emotions at the same time.
10. work will always be here, people might not. prioritize accordingly.
11. sometimes you can’t just fix things with a text or an “i’m sorry”; you have to sit in discomfort with patience. ⠀
12. you may have to learn lessons multiple times, it’s frustrating but learning isn’t linear.
13. don’t make it all so heavy. notice the weird humor in all of this.
14. over scheduling prevents serendipities. (you love those!)
15. eat enough food for everyone’s sake. nobody cares how your clothes fit except you & nobody likes when you’re shaky & anxious. let your body get bigger so your life can too.
16. [related] connect with people over good food. we have so few sensory pleasures—to deny one is a bummer.
17. control is a joke.
18. it doesn’t matter if you exercise or meditate—try to, but don’t ruin a day if you don’t. it’s meant to be stress relieving not inducing.
19. keep being flexible, but don’t abandon your plans too often or you’ll end up bitter.
20. rejection > not trying but after rejection let go asap. what you hold onto hurts you.
21. ignoring problems doesn’t fix them, it just moves them. “what you run from will chase you.” -danielle laporte
22. help people without expectation. err on the side of over-giving… rather that than having an opportunity to give & being withholding
23. sleeeeeeep more. ⠀zzzzzzzz…ZZZzzzzzz
24. this is it, there is not a practice round. no one is coming to save you…no one cares if you make your art, but if you care you have to do it, take action & make progress or it will kill you.
25. just start —“whenever i get lost, when i’m not sure what to do, the answer to me usually is to just work a little harder & see where it kicks in.” -ethan hawke
26. when you feel overwhelmed stop taking in more advice or inspiration & integrate what you have.
27. everything is everything. how you show up in one zone is how you do in all.
28. manage your energy, not your time: time can’t be created or destroyed but energy can, manage your energy as much as you can.
29. people will not like you—that’s not in your control, but remaining in integrity & aligned to your values is.
30. friendships take time, can’t force them or rush them. good relationships build slowly. let them.
31. trying to be cool is holding you back. you are warm. go towards warmth… & those who you perceive as cool have figured out how to manage their nervous systems… manage yours instead of attempting to be mysterious.
32. beauty is focus. notice when you are distracted and why.
33. “don't feel better, get better at feeling.” - a man I met in Bali
extra credit:
34. you can’t use someone else's career trajectory as a formula to make yours, you’re going to have to get quiet, meditate a lot & figure out what yours will be—there’s no template.
35. do more than you list
***
The extra two are in that category because I'm still processing them and may write more about each as I do. I hope these remind you of all you've learned about yourself.
Below are two interviews… both with important friends. I've known both for over a decade and I actually met them both the same day in NYC in 2013.
Katie
WELL-BEING > WELLNESS: THE CARE EFFECT, HYSTERIA & MORE WITH CHRISTY HARRISON
I spoke to Christy Harrison, MPH, RD, who, in addition to being my close friend, is someone whose work has significantly impacted me. As a journalist she’s covered food, nutrition, and health for more than 20 years. We talked about the well-being practices she still does and how my episode on her first show in 2013 about orthorexia was one of the early influences for her new book. Here’s a blog-post-esque post with my timeline of wellness in honor of the episode with Christy. + some clips from her here.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M STILL DOING THIS...10 YEARS OF PODCASTING & FRIENDSHIP WITH SACHA JONES
This episode, a very important person in my life—Sacha Jones—hosts the podcast. We talked about how we met, which of our morning routines have made it 10 all years, our love of this item, cringing at past versions of ourselves, and more. Sacha is one of the most creative, wise, and gentle people I know and our annual recorded catch-up ends up being a time capsule of the year.